Bastard D.I.Y Excuse Board

Welcome to the BOFH Excuse board - your way into a support standard for the future. Please follow the steps below

Step Zero.Don't send me a scripted version of this. I have one, and one day I'll install it. Meantime, make do.

Step One.Compose the Excuse. Choose one word from the First, Second and Third Columns in the table below, concatenating them to describe the error, situation or problem you're saying has occurred. For particularly unintelligent users, adding the optional fourth parameter may help to clarify that this isn't a situation that should be celebrated...

Example:Inherent Software Corruption
Dumb Example:Inherent Software Corruption Error

Step Two.Compose a story to backup this Excuse. Remember, the more outrageous the story, the more likely the user is to NOT understand it - and therefore believe it.

Unbelievable Explanation (for above excuse) "Well it appears that part of our software is corrupted - possibly because of some hardware error"
Believable Explanation: "It seems that the Inherency of the Software is corrupt - not the actual software itself. We're looking at getting some artificial Inherency in to solve the problem..."

Step ThreeGet the user to become part of the problem.

Example "..But the Artificial Inherency costs about 50 bucks a user. If you could just send us the money, we'll get you sorted out"
Another Example "..But the Artificial Inherency isn't Right Hand User Compatible - I dunno, it's Welsh or something - so you're going to have to type with your left hand for the next 2 hours.."

**Figure 1 - Bastard D.I.Y. Excuse Table**
First	Second	Third	Optional Fourth
Temporary Intermittant Partial Redundant Total Multiplexed Inherent Duplicated Dual-Homed Synchronous Bidirectional Serial Asynchronous Multiple Replicated Non-Replicated Unregistered Non-Specific Generic Migrated Localised Resignalled Dereferenced Nullified Aborted Serious Minor Major Extraneous Illegal Insufficient Viral Unsupported Outmoded Legacy Permanent Invalid Deprecated Virtual Unreportable Undetermined Undiagnosable Unfiltered Static Dynamic Delayed Immediate Nonfatal Fatal Non-Valid Unvalidated Non-Static Unreplicatable Non-Serious	Array Systems Hardware Software Firmware Backplane Logic-Subsystem Integrity Subsystem Memory Comms Integrity Checksum Protocol Parity Bus Timing Synchronisation Topology Transmission Reception Stack Framing Code Programming Peripheral Environmental Loading Operation Parameter Syntax Initialisation Execution Resource Encryption Decryption File Precondition Authentication Paging Swapfile Service Gateway Request Proxy Media Registry Configuration Metadata Streaming Retrieval Installation Library Handler	Interruption Destabilisation Destruction Desynchronisation Failure Dereferencing Overflow Underflow NMI Interrupt Corruption Anomoly Seizure Override Reclock Rejection Invalidation Halt Exhaustion Infection Incompatibility Timeout Expiry Unavailability Bug Condition Crash Dump Crashdump Stackdump Problem Lockout	Error Problem Warning Signal Flag